Jokes To Make You Laugh

Tattooed Pen*s

This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his 
bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters 
were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now 
they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's 
room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal. To 
his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his 
pen*s. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo. Do you have 
a girlfriend named Wendy?" "No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, 
"Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'"

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Englishman applies for a job with South African police. Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six niggers and a rabbit."
Bloke replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"

 

Sandbox Humor

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did 
you do at recess?" 

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box." 

Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' 
correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie." 

She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. 

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box." 

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you 
a fresh baked cookie." 

Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he 
did at recess. 

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me." 

Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. 
If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give 
you a cookie."


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Black guy praying

A black guy was praying one day when God, for some reason, decided to answer him. 
"Lord," asked the black guy. "Why are my legs so long?"
"So you can run like the wind through the jungle."
"Lord, why is my hair so kinky?"
"So it won't get caught on anything as you run through the jungle."
"Lord, why is my skin so dark?"
"So that you won't get burned by the sun's intense rays in the jungle."
And then the black guy asked, "Lord, why am I in Chicago?"


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Black guy in bar

A huge black guy walked into a bar. He went up to the bartender and said, "My 
name's Liberty Smith. I'm seven feet tall, I weigh three hundred pounds, and I'm 
the meanest, baddest player on the Dallas Cowboys--and I'm married to a white 
woman. What do you say to that?" The bartender replied, nervously, "That's nice, 
Mr. Smith." Then he walked up to one of the men sitting at the bar and said, "My 
name's Liberty Smith. I'm seven feet tall, I weigh three hundred pounds, and I'm 
the meanest, baddest player on the Dallas Cowboys--and I'm married to a white 
woman. What do you say to that?" The man turned white and said, "Anything you say, 
Mr. Smith." And then he walked up to another bar patron and said to him, "My name's 
Liberty Smith. I'm seven feet tall, I weigh three hundred pounds, and I'm the 
meanest, baddest player on the Dallas Cowboys--and I'm married to a white woman. 
What do you say to that?" And he said, "I don't blame you. I wouldn't marry a 
nigger either."

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Ginie Lamp

A white man was out walking one day when he stumbled upon an old lamp hidden away 
in a remote place. When he picked up the lamp and rubbed it a genie emerged. "I am 
the genie of the lamp," he said, "and I will grant you three wishes." The man was 
delighted with his good fortune and said, "I wish never to have to work again, to 
be able to have any woman I want, and to be able to keep it up all night." So the 
genie turned him into a black.

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Black Parrot

A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says 
the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?" 

"Africa," says the parrot.

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So Many Fathers

A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of 
children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote 
"Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now 
here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of 
each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's 
very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the 
welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."

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pen*s Contest

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the 
playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see 
who has the largest di*k," he says. "Okay," they all agree. 

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the 
Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, 
the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two 
in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, 
that thing is huge!" they exclaim. 

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he 
did at school today. 

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new 
book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest 
di*k." 

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother. 

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our pen*ses, and I had the biggest! 
The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?" 

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."


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Black jokes one liners

Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 
A: The lights out, how can u count them? 

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They are BURNING!

Pepito was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven 
has to work. God went up to Pepito, and said: Pepito, you are going to make babies. 
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, 
Pepito spun the wheel at full speed,then he started to get tired. As he was slowing 
down, a black baby came out...and Pepito replied: Damn! I better hurry because they 
are burning!

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Halloween Costumes

A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in a couple of days. The 
husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for them to wear. When 
he comes home that night he goes to the bedroom and laid out on the bed is a 
Superman costume. The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever 
heard of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear." 
The next day the wife not too happy, returns the costume and gets a replacement. 
The husband comes home from work once more and there laid out on the bed was a 
Batman costume. He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever 
heard of a black Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the 
costume party." By this time the wife is irate, so the next morning she goes 
shopping. When the husband comes home again from work there laid out on the bed are 
three items. One is a set of three white buttons, another is a white belt, and the 
third item is a 2 x 4 of wood. The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are 
these for?" The wife yells back, "You can take your clothes off and take the three 
white buttons and put them on the front of you and go as a domino, and if you don't 
like that one, you can take the belt and put it on and go as an Oreo cookie, and if 
you don't like that one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a 
fudgesicle!

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No Mexicans Please

A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty.The first 
evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following 
letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would 
like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should 
arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance 
with lovely young ladies. One last point: No, Mexicans. We don't like Mexicans." 

Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door. She opened 
the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black 
officers. Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There 
must be some mistake!" 

"On no, madam," said the first officer, "Captain Martinez doesn't make mistakes."

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The Genie

A black guy knew he had it made when the old brass bottle he found in the back yard 
turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would be granted, the 
genie informed him. 

"I wanna be rich," said the black man. The back yard filled up with chests of gold 
coins and jewels in the blink of an eye. 

"I'm no fool," said the black man. "I wanna be white." And there he stood, white, 
blonde-haired and blue-eyed. 

"Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life." And he was black again.

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Black one liner
What's the most confusing day in a black neighborhood?...Father's Day

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Empire State Building Jumper Jokes

Ok there was a black guy and a white guy in a bar and they were watching the 11:00 
news. 

The news showed that there was a guy about to jump off the empire state building. 

The black guy says, "I bet ya he's not gonna jump." 

The white guy says, "I bet ya he is." 

Right when they put the money down on the table the guy jumps off the Empire State 
Building. 

Twhite guy says, "I can't take your money because I saw this on the 5:00 news." 

The black guy says, "I did too but I didnt think he'd be stupid enough to do it 
again" 

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Black Drunk Driver joke

A policeman pulls over an elderly African American man for swerving in and out of 
lanes on the highway. He tells the man to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. 

I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube. 
Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not? 
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.

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Black Kid

There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the 
white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and 
shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go 
show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the crap out of him then 
says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him 
to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you 
learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white 
for an hour and I already hat e 3 ni***rs

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Stop for a black

There are 3 guys. A jew, mexican, and a black man. These 3 guys were in the middle 
of nowhere and were stranded with no way of transportation to get to town. Well, 
they thought of this idea to have one of them lay down in the middle of the road 
and figured a car would stop and they would have a ride. So, the jew went and laid 
in the road. A car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Ah man, it didn't 
work, but its gotta. You try it. The mexican went out on the road and a car came 
and thump thump, ran him right over. Dangn't, this is such a good idea, they gotta 
stop for a black man. So the black man went out on the road and car came. Thump 
thump, errrrrt, reerrrrrr...reverse... thump thump, thump thump, thump thump and 
THUMP!

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Heart Transplant

An old Souther planter goes into the hospital and is informed by the doctor that 
his condition is pretty serious. In fact, he's going to require a heart transplant. 

"Well, doctor," drawls the planter, "you'd best get on with it. But whatever you 
do, just don't give me the heart of a black man." 

When he comes out of the anaesthetic, the doctor is leaning over his bedside 
anxiously. "Cal," he says, "I got to use a black man's heart." Cal pales. "But the 
good news is: your di*k is three inches longer

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Black Robots Golf Jokes


A golfer walks into the clubhouse of the local country club. He tells the golf pro 
behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf 
pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out 
one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees 
and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer 
the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit which club. He has the best game of 
his life. 

The next time the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he 
wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. 

He informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, 
all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. 

The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect of 
their metallic material and into their eyes. 

The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? 

The golf pro said that they did, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up and the 
other 3 robbed the pro shop.

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Stolen Bike
A truck driver is driving through a little town in Georgia wit a truck load of bowling balls. In this town there is 2 state troupers who hate truck drivers with a passion. The truck driver sees the two and turns off at the next exit. He sees a little black boy on a bike hitch hicking he picks up the little boy but tells him, "you cant ride up here but you can ride in the back. So he put's the little black boy and his bike in the back and get's back on the interstate. the two state cops see him again and pull him over they start giving him hell just looking for something to write him up for. They can't find anything so they are about to let him go then one says to the other, "We forgot to check the back." So one goes to the back opens the doors, slams them back comes up to the truck driver. The cop is whiter than a ghost and scared as hell, and says "Get the hell out of my town, get the hell out of my county, get the hell out of my state and don't ever come back." So the truck driver leaves. when they get back into the car one looks at the other and says "what the hell did you see back there?" the other says, "That guy was carring a truck load of black babys and one had already hatched and stolen a bike".